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Sunday, December 31, 2017

Goth = Kinky & Promiscuous Fetishists?

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Today I'm gonna talk about another misconception that is very common, and especially experienced by many goth women. And that is that many people think that goths are ''easy'', and into kinks.
This is obviously because many people confuse the goth scene with the fetish scene. And why is that? I think it's completely understandable. But here comes the truth!

Let me first start off by saying that ''goth'' and ''fetish'' are two completely different scenes. BUT they do entertwine! Mostly by the fashion. Tons of famous goth models are sporting PVC, latex and vinyl clothing in their photoshoots, as well as ''stripper'' shoes and pastied breasts hanging freely above their corsets. On the street or in clubs you might see people dressed in PVC from head to toe. Does this mean that these people are ''easy'' and crazy in the bedroom? No.
Fetish is a part of your life that is hidden away for the most part (and that probably makes it even more fun), not an entire lifestyle that takes up a lot of your life and time.
Goth is something you are all the time, you can't really change that. For many people it's a lifestyle, and it takes up many aspects of their life. But most importantly goth is about music. Some of this music (especially the more electronic stuff that sometimes is argued to not even be part of goth) is sexy or about sex, and played at fetish parties, but that of course doesn't mean that people who like that music indulge in kinks. And it doesn't mean that people in the fetish scene are goths either.
BUT that doesn't mean that people are not into both things, of course!

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My main point is that what music you listen to or how one chooses to dress doesn't neccessarily indicate sexual promiscuousness. Now everyone has seen women out on the town in tiny dresses stumbling on high heels and inwardly shaken their head, but we shouldn't judge and assume what people do in private just because of how they dress. So just because you see a person dressed in shiny, tightfitting clothing, doesn't mean that they are into whatever things you can think of - or that they will sleep with you. Same when it comes to singing the overly sexual pop songs of today.

So all goths aren't fetishists? Hell no! Have you seen those TV shows where they showcase people with ''weird'' fetishes? Most of them look like ordinary people! You might even know people who have things in their bedside table drawer that might scare you - even your mother. Tons of ordinary people are involved in the fetish scene! The quiet guy in your office might dress in catsuits on his free time. Obviously people's preferences in the bedroom are a private thing, so you will never know who is into what - and if you find out, you will probably be shocked!

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Now let me tell you about fetish parties. Many people are too scared to go to one, but are curious. Most of us are sexual beings, it's completely normal. Fetish parties are NOT sex parties. Shocked, huh? Well, it's true. A lot of fetish parties / clubs / club nights don't even involve actual intercourse. It's a celebration of diversity, and an open and friendly environment for people to relax in. There ARE some that have private rooms where people can indulge in activities, but they are of course that, private. Some even have activities happening all over the place out in the open! It all depends on the place / scene / event organizer. Not all fetish parties are the same. Some are innocent in the sense that people get to dress up in the finery that collects dust in their closet, listen to good music and see some interesting performances or fashion shows, and some.. well, you can only imagine.

Let me give you some advice if you want to go to such an event:
- Prepare yourself. There's not only beautiful women with beautiful bodies in their early 20's there. Many older people go there as well! So ask yourself if you can handle seeing it. It's 2017 and sexualized things are everywhere in media, but not everyone is comfortable with nudity when confronted with it in person.
- Don't stare! For god's sake. I get it, there's tons of uhm, things to look at, but it's still impolite to stare. At least make up for it by giving them a compliment or something. This does not count for when people are engaging in activities. Unless it's happening as a performance, don't stare.
- No touching! I honestly don't think this should even be said, but to some people, apparently people in less clothes think they want you to touch them. WRONG. No grabbing, spanking or anything, unless they have specifically asked for it. Yes, on the dancefloor too. In the words of Shania Twain; ''If you wanna touch her, ask!'' (yes, I love Shania Twain. I'm not ashamed.) By all means, a fetish party where you can indulge in activities is the place to just walk up to a stranger and ask them to join you (though this does happen in any club, weirdly enough) - but if they decline, it's no biggie. Accept that. There's no shame here!
- Dress code. You won't even get in if you're not in the dresscode (some events have guest lists, even). For women this is easy, almost anything you can get nowadays is considered ''sexy'' - but for men it's a little trickier. Leather is probably the easiest to obtain. But ''less is more'' is also a good way to go! Get creative, use your toys, accessories and gear. I'm sorry I don't have much advice, but consult the dresscode for the specific event you're going to, not everyone is as strict on this.
- Safe words. Some events have certain safe words, some do not. If they don't, a simple ''slow down'' or ''stop'' will do. Respect this.
- Don't call people freaks just because they're not into the same thing as you. You are at a fetish party. These things are celebrated and normal here, and for many it's the only place they can really express their enjoyment for it. If you really think it's so freaky, just leave.

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There. I think that's all I have. Moral of the story: One doesn't mean the other, but they can entertwine, of course! There is a big middle ground where the goth and fetish cultures meet, and it's hard to see where it starts and ends. This is just again a ''yes and no'', and ''anyone can''. The thing is that goths are more open-minded, and we are not afraid to express it - that's why it might seem like ''oh goths are this and that''. But in all reality, anyone can partake in it, it's just not out in the open for everyone to see and talk about - obviously. Almost every human has sexual desires, and usually a fetish as well, be it something they share with most of the population, or something most people would consider weird. The fetish scene is great, it's a safe place to be yourself and celebrate who you are and your interests without being judged. It just happens that so is the goth scene! And I think many people who are far away from these cultures have a thing or two to learn from them.

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